I don’t know where to start, really… I’m sitting on the couch, exhausted from throwing a spectacular birthday party and completely numb from the stress release. It was a beautiful day among the sweetest people in the world who are all there for me and the little lady and came to celebrate her very first birthday. I’ll do posts on our lovely day later, but there’s something much more important that I need to explain to you.
My eyes keep tearing up because it wasn’t just another day in our life – it was my child’s first birthday. When I opened my eyes in the morning and remembered what day it was, I instantly thought of what I was doing at the exact time of the day a year ago. I remembered the anxiety of knowing it was time, the anticipation, the nerves kicking in and the longing to meet my little miracle. I remembered the exact feeling, I remember exactly who I talked to and what I said, I remember what I did and where I went… by the minute. Why? Because those couple of hours paved the way to my happiness. At 18:55, exactly a year ago, I first held my baby daughter in my arms and every single second since then (even if it has been a frustrating one) has been a blessing. I’ve told the little lady so many times today how thankful I am that she chose to come to us and how much I appreciate being her parent and friend – because I do. She is an amazing person and like with anyone who fate brings your way, I’m just thankful that my child is the person she is. At this time of night (21:37) a year ago, I walked around our hospital room carrying the tiny little person, sang her a lullaby and when I looked out the window, it was snowing. It felt like the most beautiful thing I had ever seen because I saw it with my eyes wide open – what I had gone through only a couple of hours before gave a meaning to my life and looking back I cannot imagine going through life without someone so valuable and precious to live for. I knew right there and then that I’d remember that snowstorm for the rest of my life.
Thank you, loved ones. Knowing that you love my child and appreciate her as a person just as much as I do gives me peace of mind and a sense of security that nothing else could ever bring. Thanks to everyone who’s been there to give advice, discuss the massive paradox that is parenting, for the kind words, for the constructive criticism, for all the laughter and beautiful moments spent together. This year has been a huge blur of happy and it’s all thanks to a little person who brought people together, taught a lot of lessons on love and understanding, gave life a meaning and made sad thoughts magically disappear.
Thank you, my sweet little angel. I’m honored and insanely proud to have you as my daughter and I’ll hope and work hard to one day make you just as proud to call me your mother.